It's Been A While....

It's been a while since I've written.  I didn't want the only things that I posted to be about my struggles living without Mama.  So much for that.  *wry smile*

What has happened since the end of August?  The kids and I did a 10 day (yes, you heard me right -- 10 day) road trip.  Whew!  It was great for me.  I got to visit my cousin Ann & her family in Wichita.  It's been ages since I've been able to spend any time with her.  I really enjoyed it!  We just threw our chaos in with hers and it fit nicely.  From there the kids and I headed to St. Louis.  My brother-in-law's parents were gracious and offered to let us do Cousins' Weekend at their house.  All three of us girls (& John & all the kids), cousin Shaunna & her husband Jeffrey, and cousin Cortney made it.  MIA was my husband (flights were too darned expensive!) and Shaunna & Cortney's brother Wayne & his wife Amanda.  We had a great time visiting and playing cards and cooking and reminiscing and going to the St. Louis Zoo...once we finally got there!  It didn't take us long to get to the exit for the zoo, but traffic was HORRENDOUS, and I think it took us a good hour and a half to get parked...and then we had to hike to the zoo!  We had an amazing time, though!  I think the best part was stripping Will down to his diaper so that he could enjoy the splash pad with his cousins.  He had a BLAST!!!  We left Tuesday to head to Siloam to have a rest at Pa's before heading home to Amarillo.

That Wednesday (the day after we got to my Dad's) was Annabelle's 1st birthday.  Wow.  It was a pretty uneventful day, but I did get a few pictures in...just before she went to bed!  I can't believe she's past 1 year old now!  That day, however, began a very difficult month.  We have LOTS of September birthdays -- Michelle's is the 1st, Annabelle's the 8th, then come Jacob, several cousins, a couple of Aunts, then Dad and Josiah finish out the month.  Mom was the best at birthdays.  She really worked to make that day special and all about YOU.  It was so very, very hard not to have her be a part of things.  Dad did come the end of the month so that he would be with us for his birthday.  We insisted, and, thankfully, he complied. 

October, I made another trip back to Siloam for John Brown Homecoming...not that I really did any homecoming activities besides attend some education professional development hours (speaking of which, I need to call them -- I got gypped on the hours they sent me!) and a dessert for education alumni.

November...sigh...the beginning of the holiday season.  I about lost it in the Christmas stuff at Target because it really hit me that Mama wasn't going to be with us.  She always paid attention to details at the holidays and worked hard to fill stockings for everyone and make it fun for the kids.  She's not here to do that this year, and I don't want to have to be the one to fill those shoes...I don't want anyone to have to fill those shoes.  I just want her here.  That would take care of that.

Last year we planned with Mama to go to Branson for Thankmas.  We have friends that have a condo that we figured we could rent and planned on getting another one there -- there are too many of us for just one condo!  We decided to stick to the plan.  Something different needed to be done this year.  So...no turkey, no big meal, no football (not that anyone besides John & Michelle & Rachel ever truly watched football...).  We drove to Branson on Wednesday and went to Silver Dollar City Thursday & Friday.  It was COLD!  It was really, really COLD!  It was rather reminiscent of when we went to SDC a bajillion years ago over Thanksgiving, except that, that time, we were completely and absolutely unprepared for the cold.  This time we came with layer upon layer upon layer!  (In a side note here -- My husband ROCKS!  He got us wool socks.  I've never owned a pair of wool socks before.  My feet have always, yes always, been cold when I've been out for extended periods of time in the winter.  This was the first experience that my feet have NOT been cold, not one little bit.  My husband totally ROCKS!)  The best part was seeing the kids experience it.  The oohing and aahhhing of little ones makes the experience a thousand times better.  We went and saw the Frosty show.  The kids were all invited up on stage and Will went with his older cousins.  He stood the whole time.  I was wondering what he was going to do.  Was he going to be that child...the one that everyone sees and knows before it's all said and done?  He did not disappoint!  He made it almost through, but he couldn't resist going to check out the raccoon puppet in the tree.  One of the main characters went over, picked him up and placed him where he belonged and said, "Now that's a photo op!"  Dadgum, I didn't have my camera out.  Thank God he didn't pull the puppet off the guy's hand!  I'm not sure how they could have recovered from that!  To this day, anytime Frosty the Snowman song comes on he says, "Mommy!  It's the snowman song!"  Yep, Will, it sure is.

Mama would have had a great time.  She would have been exhausted.  She probably would have gotten bronchitis.  But she would have had a marvelous time experiencing SDC through her grandkids.  My heart is heavy that she missed it.

So now it's December.  It's the Christmas season.  My kids love Christmas lights.  Tomorrow they get to start on Christmas ornaments to give to the rest of the family.  I'm so very glad to have them to experience Christmas through.  I was just thinking about last year's Christmas pictures.  Mama was in those pictures.  She won't be in them this year.  I don't get to have her on my birthday.  Last year my birthday didn't go like she would have liked for it to when they were here.  She promised that she would take me to lunch when I came to visit in January.  She died instead.  I'm kind of skipping my birthday this year.  In some ways I want to, in other ways I don't.  We'll see how I feel that day. 

I was reading an article in a Wycliffe publication about a man who, eight months after his wife's death, was going back to the language group he and his wife had worked with to translate the Bible.  Someone asked him about the comfort that he was receiving from the Lord.  His response?  It was something to the effect that he was getting a wall of silence from God, but there were people that crossed his path that encouraged him, and he knew that they were from the Lord.  I, too, am experiencing a wall of silence.  I am so very thankful for those of you that He has sent across my path to lift me up.  So, onward & forward I go.